Love isn't a bad thing to say

Broken. I'm overbearing. It was cold. I waited... I waited for that contact .I'm alone again. Damn Anxiety. I'm angry. I'm distraught. I tried to hold it together. Make it feel good or right. I tried to grasp the passion that I longed for and the other didn't really feel anything. Trying doesn't get you anywhere. I put it all out there... I put it all on the line. Again. My heart is always on the line. It's never calm. It's always on a high or it's broken. I knew it was coming. It doesn't make it hurt any less. I told you so is a terrible phrase. I hate it. I FEEL LIKE I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO HURT because I knew it was coming. Everyone did. Everyone judged. I told you so. It truly shakes me to my core and I'm slow to anger. No one knew how I felt. No one knew what that whole experience meant to me. I need support. This freaking post probably doesn't even make sense. I'm tired. I'm worn out. I've lost all my tread. Apparently I'm too sensitive. Its true. I need stability. I need a lot of things. Actually I want a lot of things. For being such a self sacrificing personality I'm selfish. I don't care anymore. I'm beating myself over something I cannot control. Typical. Everyone sees it. Everyone calls me on it. Everyone calls me on my worrying problems. Thats not all I am. I feel guilty. I didn't bring enough to the table. I'm just broken. Crying doesn't get you anywhere. No one can mend you. Your the only one that can hold the needle and sew yourself back up but you want someone to be there to watch. To be your support. It's hard being me. I struggle. A lot. I'm never empty. I'm scared. I'm scared of myself. Others don't see me as being a scary person. I'm the scariest person I know. Love isn't a bad thing to say. When I say it I mean it. When I say it to the people close to me I want them to soak it in and know that I am there for them. I don't mean to make people feel uncomfortable when I say it. I really don't. I FEEL. THATS ALL I DO. When I have an impulse to say something deep or say I love you I'm need/want to say it. I said it to someone close to me and he asked me why...He asked me why I said it so much. It hurts so bad to think about it and It's going to haunt me. It's going to haunt me for a long time. It died. The love that I had just died.