Give me a pen and paper and I'll tell you how I really feel

I used to think it would be nearly impossible to write down how I really felt about some things. Impossible equals doubt. Usually when you say something is impossible it's backed up with doubt.

I've been thinking about strength lately. Human strength. It's incredible. The strength of human love and human misery. Love and Misery tend to be the center of our world. They tend to bring out the best and worst in us. It's sad how when we have a problem we tend to become so focused on that one problem in our life. The problem seems to blur out everything else. It trumps all the good in our lives. We never really stick our heads out and look around for things that will help us. It's hard for me to stick my head out most of the time but that what we have to do. We have to help ourselves most of the time. That's what is cool about life, we learn. Even if we have to go through a trial so many times to figure it out. Usually the answer is staring at us right in the face. It's one big "Duh" moment.

Sometimes we have to sacrifice addictions or things that we take seriously to progress. It's a test of our strength. When life gets hard we have to take a leap of faith. We have to say "you know what I'm going to drop this this and this and I'm going to do this this and this." We have to have faith that our changes will make us strong and make us free. We have to step out of our comfort zone. You have to cut off the air supply to your doubt.

It's a burden to feel like you have failed yourself. When you have a goal and you failed to carry it out. It's a regret that I'm sure everyone has carried with them at one point or another. Regrets can hold you back. You have to forgive yourself, which is one of the hardest things to do for some people. Forgive and forget and try again. Your mind becomes open and your more willing to try when your not filled with regret. You also begin to see how much potential you have.


Strength is contagious. It starts with you. You begin to become weary of your problems and how much weight you carry on your shoulders. You start to change your mindset and think more clearly. You soak in the experience and you learn from it. You realize what has been your problem. You forgive yourself and move on. Then you catch the eye of the people who are close to you or even someone who isn't that close to you. They look at you with such curiosity. They wonder why you are so happy and calm about your current situation. Some may even ask you how your doing it or maybe they see your actions speaking louder than your words. They may start to look within themselves and start to look at their lives. Then with your example they begin to find their own strength and begin to change themselves. Then it starts over. How awesome is it to think that the courage you used to pull yourself out of your misery impacts others and helps them have the courage to help themselves.

Sadness is necessary in life because you wouldn't know what happiness feels like. However, you can't afford not to be happy. Fill your life with more happiness than sadness. You don't really realize how much you touch people. We were meant to be happy. Sadness is just a bump in road. Trials make you happier. It's just hard to see it when your caught in the middle of the storm .

Once you heal yourself there is so much good that can come from you.

Don't forget your worth.

Note to Self

Since the beginning of this year I have been extremely happy. I feel like a whole new person. My internal struggles have become dull and I feel so relieved. It's incredible. I'm more kind and patient. Patience has always been a thing I've struggled with especially with myself. This year I am determined to be better in every way possible. I don't know why I didn't start sooner. I guess I was meant to go through certain trials before I could feel this way. I wouldn't take it back. I feel like I have grown in personal strength and character. That what life is all about. Growing for yourself and Growing with others. Life is good. It's hard but good. We wouldn't know the good if we didn't know the bad.

Lately some of my friends have been struggling. Intense internal struggling. One of the things that I understand quite well. Before my personal change it used to hurt so bad to hear the things they went through. I still feel sadness but I know that they will be ok. They are growing sometimes the trials are harsh but they grow. I want my friends to grow in strength and character. I want the best for them. I feel like I have been able to help them more and be able to give better advice because I was calm.

Some people need to let loose. They need to consider all options to why someone didn't do one specific thing before they chew them out. Communication is so important. When communication is taken lightly it can be disastrous in the end. We don't know what people are going through. We can't always get things here and now.

I strongly dislike shallow people and their shallow thinking. You don't know who people are and how they feel and deal with things. Just except people. It's not that hard. You don't have to have a deep connection with everyone you meet but no one should cut someone down because they are different. Everyone is special in their own way. How can you cut someone down because they like a specific thing or because they won't participate in your normal routine. Everyone has different experiences and it molds them. Appearance is such a poor measure of a person.

Be kind. Listen. Serve others. Be the best that you can be.